I'm freaking exhausted! Mentally of course. Informations...no, negative informations are overloaded.

A lot of stuff made me mad. But there's one thing i care among the others. This little thing, have maybe no impact on the others but ME! ME! ME!

Had a not good at all conversation right after I stuffed everything in my mouth and swoosh back to get online. I was excited at first, but one sentence hunt me down.

Anything ma?

F*** ! This word sudden appears n my mind, and the glass of excitement broke immediately; the temperature in the room rise from nowhere.

HELL!!!

We have no topic at all?

WC told me, he has a feeling that me and lyn will last till marriage. Haha. I hope. But, she said that, SHE SEE US GOING NOWHERE.

it hurts. Alot. For no reason. Actually there is. No! There ARE! My mood jump off the building, fell on the floor. lying down on the bloody..blood. LOLz.

I wish to call her, but, immediately it was turned down by the conversation that day.
Still dying whether you do or not.

I'll do anything. To repair this. I admit the way i do things is abnormal. lolz. Or should say, Different from the normal. The way i do, I tend to hide the process. As long as it works. But, not everyone can see.

I admit..I'm very revengeful, I don't like people betray me. I like putting people to make a wrong decisions.

I just want to smack table and the keyboard hard! and shout as loud as i can. But I can't. All was stuffed in my heart. It's like how u try to control not to vomit out by swallow it back. Those feelings SUX! I hate it.

I hate to being hurt. I hate it! FUCK!!

I don't speak foul language. Last time. But now I do. And surprisingly, I speak english more often nowadays.

I don't feel the love anymore. or at all. at this moment.

Is there anyway to release stress? Research shows that smoking do help release. Maybe I should try.

Who care when i dies. Life is so fucked up now. Damn!

Fuck Fuck Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

I'm so hurt and sad now. but no one know how i feel.

I do things for nothing now.

She start to don't like me. All were fake. Got a kind of being looked down feeling.

And i HATE that. Very much.

FUCK!!!

I'm so mad, I'm so hurt, I'm so angry, I'm so FUCKED UP!

Situation 1 :

Server and client connect thru LAN.

Server think that client keep downloading stuff from him and tend to cut the traffic off. But do you know that, traffic is two ways?

Situation 2:

Server told client, you are too slow. And not picking up my speed. I have to cut the traffic.

I'll upgrade the client, I want server to regret if the traffic is cut. I will.

I'm getting mad. mentally. Yes. Mad. I have to cool down.

Cz my heart cant take it physically. Lolz.

Yes, I got a bad heart. physically and mentally.

Fuck!

I am not sleepy at all, but i have to force myself to sleep soon. When I finish cleaning my hard disk. Tho i got 500gb, but still...i like things in order. Not messy but CLEAN!

Listening the song titled "Can you feel the love tonight".

But a sentence strikes me hard. No. I can't . Lolz.

I've been downloading a movie that I'll probably never watch.

5 seasons have to be download in total. Season 6 is coming out as well. Haha.

Season 5 of How I met you mother came out! first 2 episode! Can't wait to download. But i got 21 more episode to download before my How I met your mother.

16 days more before the account expires. Have to san fu my computer liao. *sayang comp*

Sometimes sacrifices are to be done, but will people take my sacrifice serious? Well...at least serious? Sometimes tot of why I have to download without sleeping? BUt well, I like! Haha. Before that, I expect reciprocity. But now, I don't, honestly, I don't. But bit sad bah lidat.

I'm satisfied with my life now. Study and work, is a good combination for me, to keep me busy, to keep my mind busy, not to think alot. I feel that I'm well discipline now, I sleep and wake early. This and that. I even have oat (not oak) for my breakfast! I'm filled. But I think sometimes I'm too filled. I even start to not like to talk with people. Even WC, a buddy that can talk alot. But..well. Hmm...

So many things to tell her, but, how to make her see? Less topic, less time, less interesting? less sparks? Used to?

I'm not..I'm still to old one. The old one that trust, and believe. And wanted to be a better person me.

Lungs is abit pain. Got the not good feeling there. Lolz..physically not good.

My existence doesn't make any difference.

"But I DO exist" I told myself.

And "I love you". I told her. Thousand times.

But....

Can u see it?

Really long time didn't touch my blog liao. Kinda lazy to blog sometimes. But it's a good way to release myself. ^_^

It's 3.30 a.m. now, and am gonna have to wake up at 7.30 a.m. to prepare to go to work. But now, I'm totally don't have the mood to sleep. Insomnia!!! Damn it.

Things in my life are getting better, and more organized! :D It makes myself feel busy, but not really thaaaat busy. Only I know, we can't have everything, sometimes you'll have to choose only ONE!

I choose to pump up my life, but then i've neglected mee. I'm the bones between my palm. Lolz. If you understand what it means. Had a quarrel with mee. Don't feel good. Was wondering how she'll feel. The more I don't want to make her sad, the more i made her. Damn!

I have a belief, wearing the ring gives me a bad relationship with mee, but when not wearing it, it gets us closer. *shrug*

Read mee's blog, she seems like had a really happy life in Adelaide. Poor me. Haha. Now my turn to look at photos and envy. Damn it. Well, sometimes I really think that mee'll be happier without me. 3-years of relationship. What am i thinking?

My post wasn't that interesting tho,
Firstly, My english was not good.
Second, I don't know what to write.
Third, Mood not really good.

Just finish fixing the comp, was really a tough one. Thank god i still have some computer knowledge.

Waiting for Grey anatomy to finish it's download, still go a looong waaaay to go. But I promised mee to download for her. But those arent what she really want from me bah.

I train my little brain with some cognitive task every morning, Sudoku!! Lolz.
so am now, cracking the stupid Any Video Converter, to convert the files to a smaller one to ship to mee. I know there are lotsa patch and serial key out there. But I would challenge myself, so that i know I'm still able to apply that knowledge.

Mee said she'll be back on Jan probably, Am gonna plan a trip. But whether will it works, then hard to say. Since mee said that she'll be busy and might not coming back . But well, i'll plan it anyway.

Mee is forcing her career up, cz she wanted to pay back her parents or what. Too bad, I'm not that smart or A's student. Sometimes feel kinda bad, everyone is out there, Am still here, now have to change to bpsych summore. What a SHAME!

Sometimes I hope mee not coming back, why? Cz when she come back, If She finds me, then my parents will ask me about going overseas. If I go down to find her, her parents will ask the same thing. Haha. Malu wei. But I miss her.

Sometimes I guess, she really need me ah? Cz she's not as attach to me like last time. Because of that, I choose to work harder in my life to catch up with her. But I'm still waaaay behind. F***!

People told me not to compete with people. Or better not.

But I will.

And mee told me she'll dumb me? if i'm not going to make it next year.

Well, I guess her dream will come true then?

I love her.

I lover her.

But only on my own.

College has started, surprisingly, I'm taking a subject with those newbie. Well, even mee's ex is in it. Well..who cares even her future husband is in it, am gonna "do the right thing". Study!!!

Before this, I tot of changing my field to engineering. In motorsports. Yes! In motorsports. But I think about it later. Something is wrong. Am will stick to Psychology. everyone is looking down on me. Fuck up! I'll prove them all wrong.

Lately I feel that my life is filled. (Syok)

I gotta work with Uncle Steven on Getsuyobi, then I have class on Kayobi and Mokuyobi, Then I got myself a typing job on Suiyobi & Kinyobi. Then I have to go for sports on Doyobi. I guess the last day, I have to stay at home and spend more time with mee and my family on the Nichiyobi.

And keeping myself busy, my life is fulfilled. I have to wake up at 7.30 everyday. keeping a waking time like this, I'm assuming that my life is more organize. Nice!

lately I hate fat. not because of what. But myself, went to a random photoshoot session (Thx to Mr zuo han) , and saw the fatness inside me!!! It's alright if I look fat. But the thing is, I think I myself is a little bit clumsy.

Yea, fat people are clumsy, that's what other people said. It's not self fulfilling, but hey! I experienced it myself! My movement started to be abit...slow..or can say insensitive. My become more, rough. As in..the walking style, well...when u see those sweaty people eating. U can imagine me in it. Damn it.

I have to act early, am planning not to go overseas, due to financial strain, and am not wanting daddy to be that san fu. My dad - is neither a big big business man ; nor a doctor. My dad- is neither a PHD holder; nor a Uni level student. My dad - is neither working a high payment job; nor a high rank staff in a BIG company.

BUT

He is my dad. Parents are worrying about me. Me too. Mee too (hoping not, I don't want her to worry about me). Am planing to transfer back to Bpsych, since it's certificate is recognize by Uni in the other country. Yes! Save Cost. That's the main thing.

I miss mee...guess not the vice versa. She said that i'm always late. :( Yea, she bought a canon for herself. ^_^ and I don't know it. Well..the reply was sucks. Nevermind, leave it. I guess she is not as sticky liao. I think the day is coming? Not good.

Lately I've been keeping a daily to-do-list. Awesome.

Well organized life. I guess, Am starting to rushing up to the hill.

Dear God, i wish that I'll have a totally awesome life, as how it appears in my schema.

I didn't expect anyone to read this. It's just an update of myself to inform me. Hey! I'm at this stage.

Sometimes i wonder, am I lucky or unlucky guy? Darn! Speaking on the proactive side, I'm lucky, because I'm healthy, no physically disabled ; am have a wonderful family, despite that my parents are the ngam cham type. Well, most of the family have ngam cham parents, am still in the norm :) I got friends, things I want. Those are lucky!

Speaking on the reactive side, I never always get what I want. Damn! There are no one can get anything and everything they wanted to. Well, I believe that "skies" are fair. Lolz. Was wondering why on earth studies are not standing on my side. All friends went overseas, left me here. Was rather lonely. :(

Finally daddy got some work to be done, this time, daddy took out a big amount for his job. To buy the ingredients la. Daddy told me his pocket empty liao (sometimes he do complain to me his frustration). Of course, I bring it over with some laugh, saying that life is like that. But inside my mind, there are aloooot of things going through.
Went to see the representatives of the UniSA that day. But things doesnt turn out that well tho. Still have to wait for their call. Darn! Results havent out yet, sometimes I was wondering taking the psycho-path is the right choice for me. Instead, I think I should get into the engineering path.

Until recently, am very interested in automobile, well, everytime the engine roars, it wakes me up, push my Epinephrine ( So called adrenaline) all over my body. But well, it's another story.

I got problems, but I don't dare to speak to my parents, No one knows about that, I know, letting it out is a great release, but I will tell nobody. I choose to keep, to make myself feel bad, to remind me with those bad feelings. Until I, myself get it done.

Daddy is trying to approach me, but i avoid. The thing is, If I dont go overseas, I feel sorry for myself, but If i go overseas, I feel sorry for my daddy. He will be very san fu.

However, I will stick to my path and get it done. I Must! Will not disappoint people that hope on me. Esp myself, parents and mee.

Speaking of mee, she went for a 4D2N trip to Melbourne. Hope she enjoy the trip, cant really speak to her, as in, less smses, less msn, less skype. And i miss her alot. Really alot. But still, I choose to keep.

I want to success! I want! and I will!!

Things went through my mind. But I can't catch any of them. Here are some that i'm aware.

1. I'm sad
2.I'm depress.
3.Nobody knows what is actually happened to me.
4. Nobody understands me, i'm included.
5.Busy and put the greatest effort to earn Rm500 to the trip. And now I decided to keep.
6. Kit is stop progressing. No Mood. No inspiration.
7.Lost interest in study. In fact I'm frustrated to wait.
8. Comparison makes people feel bad. But I like to compare. But I don't like to feel bad.
9. Getting ready.
10. No people wants me.
11. Am a dumbass.

Second post of the day. The first post was an anger....this post is a slightly anger. Lolz.

Mood was rather OK today, I'm freaking boring here. hope to get some entertainment. Well, I read magazines, newspapers, watch TV, mafia-ed, restaurant citied, blogged.

But still feel the boring la!!

I didn't get the photo today, not one. I didn get that photo as well. WTH.

So finally, came to some sort of "something" to do. Been asked some sort of err...

basic questions. OMG!! I'm damn angry at myself!! i can't freaking answer the basic questions after 2 years!!!

it's not only I can't get the reward for not answering those questions, yet it still give me a pull on me. Jackass me. Feel kinda moody after that. Blergh.

Mee told me return flight from KL to perth is cheap for air asia, RM249. Well. At that moment I know what she wanted to say. I very willing to. but after a long long words appeared. esp the last sentence. Well, brings my mood a 180 degree drifting u-turn. Lolz. It's a technique that I want to learn wei. Haha.

Well, I don't let people hope on me. Cz I always fail. No? Try me.

Name: Christopher Low @ Chris
Horoscope: Scorpio
Birthdate: 14-11-Every year
Email: Geil_1114@hotmail.com

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